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Bio no. -1.234 UPDATED ON JANUARY 27, 2010 YEAR OF OUR LORD ALSO KNOWN AS TUESDAY 01:40:22 PM CST 68 F INSIDE - 20.22 F OUTSIDE DEWPOINT 14 F - HUMIDITY 78% BAROMETRIC PRESSURE 30.12 hPa AND FALLING LIGHT SNOW MIST - WIND 2.0 mph / 6 km/h SOUTH i. On this winter day, in his bio, CM EVANS, author, artist, thinker, recycler, philanthropist, grew up in Upstate California. His work, (both art and literary) has been published for many years online and offline in places like Milk Magazine, Unpleasant Event Schedule, The Shore Magazine, Might Magazine, Opium Magazine, McSweeney's, Dear Sir, The Bridge, The Nose, The Leg, and lastly, How I Hit My Mom: a Semi Annual Non-Violent Literary Journal. Additionally, if that wasn't enough, his cartoons have been displayed at various venues in the United States, China, and Mexico. CM is cartoon-editor-at-large for www.opiummagazine.com. If he was a poet, he'd be William Blake. If he was an artist, CM would be Max Ernst. If he was a writer, he'd be Washington Irving. If CM Evans was super bad-ass, he'd be Muhammad Ali. If he was someone you'd want to get to know, he'd be cute 'n cuddly. If you wanted him to get work done, he'd be John Henry. If you wanted CM to hang out, and shoot the proverbial shit, he'd be plain old CM Evans. And: CM is also proud member in good standing with the Friday 13th Appreciation Society. So: Go buy a damn shirt. http://www.cafepress.com/0000567 ii. But: CM Evans is a jerk. An ultra jerk. He's a tool. He's a tool-box. Plain and simple. He's a big fatheaded faty fat fat smartypants jingo-jango high-pockets. He sleeps with a smartass smile on his face. He thinks "There by the grace of God goeth I" as he tiptoes through the tulips. iii. Thus: THE LATEST MOTTO "Evil always aims to please." iv. Again: A TRANSLATION FROM ROBERTO RODRIGUEZ''S WEB BLOG "COMUNICOLOGO" MY FIRST NOVEL At the time of disembarking of the airplane it felt the necessity to leave that airport, watched disimuladamente for all sides, number eight was directed in the row and when arriving where the immigration agent took off his dark glasses; it watched it at the eyes, in challenging but friendly tone, while it received his passport and a phrase of Welcome drawer "to the United States of America". But the worse thing was that that moment, Pedro, it had to leave without being seen. It maintained a firm step in the direction of the street, under stairs, watched again backwards and quickly one was in the warm air of the city of Miami. A black and high man approached him, asked something to him that did not understand since its English so poor era that it limited myself to invent the letter to songs so that they sounded like in that one language. Soon way was within a small bus to which in a moment "American dream" would be the beginning of the call felt single at that moment at which the conductor began the march made the site where they rent cars, that one that days before recommended its cousin to him in case it was possible to him to evade the controls in the airport of Miami. It watched his around, it found a telephone and soon it made contact with enemy with the few relatives who still did not undergo forced exile which he had to be put under since the misery and the lack of opportunities, in addition to the deep crisis of the government in the year of 1998 he forced to him to make this decision. It called to his cousin to tell the news him and to request to him that it gathered it, happened you vary hours until it saw as a beautiful blonde lowered the glass of its automobile and it called it by his name, Pedro! v. Lastly: Really, how much for the damn goat? CM EVANS LOVING THE HATERS AFTER 10 YEARS READY FOR THAT 1M HIT GOOGLE FOR ME AND YOU WONT FIND ME UPDATING AGAIN WEEKLY FOR SOME REASON GO HAPPY WAGON GO COCKED BUT NOT YET LOCKED 2 FEET OF SNOW BEGGING TO BE MOVED ARE WE THERE YET MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL YOU GOOD SOULS YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY WHY NOT? WELCOME TO A BRAND NEW WORLD MEEK AS A DOVE - STRONG AS A LION I AM GONNA KICK YOUR SORRY ASS HOW MUCH FOR THAT GOAT STILL MAKING MY GREATEST MISTAKES HOLDING OUT FOR A GOOGLE FOR GOOGLE MORE INSULTS WILL BE FORTHCOMING THAT TERRORIST STOLE MY DATE WISHING U HAPPY FADDERS DAY WATCHING ANCHORMAN 1000 TIMES IN A ROW WEEE OOOH WEEE OOOO WEEE OOOOH IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR DOG HITTING THE BEER, DRINKING THE BASEBALL GROUNDHOG ON GROUNDHOG DAY LIVING IN SAN DIEGO, THE CANADA OF LA WHEN ARE YA GONNA FIX UP YOUR BLOG? ITS MY PARTY AND I''LL SPEW IF I WANT TO WHEN I''M WRONG I''M TOTALLY DEAD WRONG YOO HOO ITS YER OLD PAL CM EVANS THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND PEPPERED AND SALTED MY GOLDFISH CAN BEAT UP YOUR GOLDFISH BUYING LOW AND SELLING HIGH ATE PASTE AS A CHILD AND IT WAS DELICIOUS WHO WAS BEST DRESSED IN 2005? CHANGING MY NAME TO NOEL NOEL NOEL HP LOVECRAFT MIGHT BE MY PAPER BOY YO I''M THE BADDEST CAT YOU''LL GET FUNKY WITH CUARAUING DE SPLIN DARA PI GEKKO HARABA ANCHORING THE BOTTOM OF THE BELL CURVE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU ARE SAYING MANDATING NOW THAT HELL AND HEAVEN MAKE UP SEPTEMBER 19TH IS TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY I''M ON A TEAR BUYING SOME MORE CRAP DOWN AT THE MALL OR IKEA DRINKING OLD COFFEE WHILST IGNORING THE DOORBELL JUMPING FOR JOY ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE LIKE TC SORRY I LEFT YOUR CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN WAITING TO BURN ROME DOWN IN THE COOL EVENING BLUNDERBUSSING BORBORYGMIC BLATHERSKITES AVIDLY READING INACCURATE HISTORICAL FICTION

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